I have made many bad decisions and bad choices during the course of my life, and I'm still dealing with the aftereffects and consequences of them to this very day. Sometimes it feels like I'm climbing a huge mountain with obstacles everywhere. All because I have been trying to regain meaningful and important things that I have lost over the years due to bad behaviour and bad decisions. A lot of shattering, devastating losses that have altered my life. And it's a long, but steady process in trying to rebuild my life, basically from scratch.
I haven't had a real job in 3 years. I haven't had a girlfriend in 4 years. I lost both of those because of my addictions to alcohol and drugs. I spent a few months in jail for some past misdeeds which happened when addictions took over my life, and turned me into a different person.
The fact of the matter is, and also maybe the sad truth, is not many people are willing to take a chance on someone who has a troubled past, and a lot of baggage. And living here in a small town, a lot of people know me, or have heard of me. My tarnished reputation still haunts me.
I also have other personal challenges that I have to face and deal with on a daily basis. When I was doing drugs, I had taken such a large amount of them on an almost daily basis, that it ultimately caused some brain damage to the front part of my brain. I don't know if it's permanent or temporary, but basically, it affects my nerves. My hands mildly tremble, my toes on both feet constantly move up and down, I tend to talk fast at times, and sometimes I have trouble concentrating, or I get confused easily. And probably worst of all, my anxiety levels go up and down, and I'm prone to bouts of depression that appear from out of nowhere.
When I go through my difficult and challenging days, I try to think positive thoughts, and I pray to God to help me weather the storm, and get through the day.
One day at a time.